


Begin Again

by stone_ocean_jojo



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:46:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27431470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stone_ocean_jojo/pseuds/stone_ocean_jojo
Summary: Bucky had gone so long without seeing Steve. He had tried to rebuild his life and move on after he escaped HYDRA but it wasn't as easy as he had thought it would be and the loneliness was becoming unbearable.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. Moving Forward

**Author's Note:**

> I am reposting this from my original ao3 account in the hope that it gets more views. I may continue it if it is popular! 
> 
> This is a very short chapter just to start the story and show everyone what is going on. I apologize for the length ;-; the next chapters will be better. Please go follow my Twitter @_Stone_Ocean. Thank you for reading!

3 years. It had been 3 years since he had left Steve laying on the side of that river.

Bucky had never felt so alone. Even when he had been a HYDRA puppet, he felt like he had more life in him, and that is because he didn't have to feel, but now, 3 years since he had been released, and 69 years since he fell, Bucky felt more alone than he truly felt was possible. 

Adjusting to this new world alone had been scary and confusing. He didn't have the help that Steve had. Bucky had been too afraid to approach any of the Avengers for help.

So Bucky had spent the last 3 years trying to adjust to current society. He thought that it was going to be impossible, what with the metal arm and all, but he had found steady work as a security guard for the Smithsonian. The best part of his job was that he could see Steve every day. 

Not in person, of course, but in the tribute exhibit that was dedicated to Steve and all the other Howling Commandos, Bucky included. Luckily for Bucky, no one had ever voiced the idea that he was the same James Buchannan Barnes that was part of the exhibit. They accepted it and gave him a job, complimenting the fact that he was the best guard they had ever had. 

This job of course came with perks; more money than he really knew what to do with, learning about the past that he had missed, and access to as much information about Steve that he could get to. The downside was the women.

In the past, Bucky had been a bit of a womanizer. Now he avoided women like the plague. Here in the 21st century, it was appropriate for him to access his true feelings. 

Bucky had always thought he felt a bit different from other men around him. All the dreams about Steve and the quick inappropriate touches he had given himself before Steve came walking through the door, and all of the thoughts made Bucky finally come to a conclusion. He was gay. Back in the '30s and '40s he would have at the very least been brutally beaten for feeling this way. Here in the 21st century, it was highly acceptable. It would be easier to enjoy this openness if he was just left alone. 

Bucky hated it when he felt like this. Overthinking would be the death of him and work was not the appropriate place to do it.

Sighing slightly, Bucky started off on his route around the museum. He walked past the typical tourists, overzealous parents, and their children who just didn't want to enjoy the museum. The fact that people still didn't appreciate the world around them was starting to wear Bucky thin.

Huffing angrily, he headed to the best part of the museum, the tribute to Captain America. Cheering up a bit, he smiled when he saw the first painting of Steve. He stood there admiring the painting when he heard a voice he hadn't heard in years.

"Bucky?"


	2. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Pretty Simple: Bucky and Steve finally sit down and talk about things they never could before. I FORGOT HOW QUICKLY THINGS ESCALATED IN THIS I AM SO SORRY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Chapter 2! I am actually just going to end this story here, I feel like it ends at a point that there doesn't need to be anymore added. Remember, this is a story that I wrote 6 or so years ago, and am re-posting and editing as I go. If you are interested go follow me on Twitter: @_stone_ocean

Freezing, Bucky kept staring at the picture of Steve in front of him.

"Buck? Hey, I know that you heard me," Steve said, approaching with caution.

"Oh for fucks sake, what is he doing here?," raced through Bucky's head.

He felt the need to run but realized that was extremely foolish of him. Steve was and had always been -at least after they gave him the serum- faster than him. 

Swallowing his fear, Bucky turned slowly, pulling his hat lower to cover his face.

"Bucky. What-What are you doing here?" he heard Steve ask him, Steves voice sounding far away.

"I...I work here," Bucky replied in a tiny voice, feeling as though the words weren't his own, "Why are you here? I've worked here two years and I haven't seen you once," came tumbling out of Bucky's mouth, as he looked up from under his hat, his confidence building.

He didn't remember Steve being this beautiful... or large. He was entirely immersed in the man in front of him that Bucky didn't process Steve's response.

"Sorry... what?," Bucky said looking into the taller man's eyes.

"It doesn't matter what I said. Bucky I've looked everywhere for you. Why didn't you come to the tower? We-," Steve said, his voice on edge before he was interrupted.

"Not here. Look meet me here at 10 tonight," Bucky said, grabbing Steve's hand and writing down his address.

"Why am I doing this," was all that raced through his mind.

Turning quickly, he headed in the opposite direction of Steve.

"Oh... Okay see you," Bucky heard Steve yell after him as he disappeared around the corner and out of the line of sight.

Finding himself on the roof, Bucky fell to the ground and leaned his back against the wall. He didn't cry. He wasn't even sure how to anymore. So Bucky sat there choking back the pain and punching the ground.

"Why! Why," Bucky yelled before slamming his head against the wall.

Trying to avoid being caught during a panic attack, Bucky put himself in lockdown. It was something he could still do even if it wasn't the most gentle experience for his brain.

Once he was settled, Bucky climbed down to the museum again. He spent the remainder of his shift ignoring the general population bustling around him.

At 7 in the evening, he clocked out and headed to his home. It was a 20-minute drive from the museum, enough time to snap back to himself; or at least the self from the past. 

Bucky loved that he was able to live alone. He didn't need anyone asking why he never slept, or constantly did research on World War Two and Captain America. He knew he didn't remember enough of the war, and research was the easiest way to learn what had happened. Really, Bucky could not remember much besides what had happened 3 years ago... and Steve. Bucky was always able to remember Steve.

Plopping down on the couch, he sighed softly and tried to analyze what he had done today.

"Steve is coming to my house," he said loudly, looking around.

His house was... for a lack of a better word... messy. Jumping up, Bucky spent the next two hours cleaning.

"Okay... Okay. Pizza. Yes, okay, pizza, food is good," he said to himself once he realized how hungry he was.

About 20 minutes later there was a quiet knock at his door. Thinking it was his pizza, Bucky ran to the door. Opening it quickly he froze in his steps.

"Hi," Steve said shyly, his eyes lighting up.

"H-Hi," Bucky replied staring up at Steve.

He was in shock at the fact Steve had actually shown up.

"Can I come in?" Steve asked slowly biting his lip gently.

"Oh! Yeah sure. I thought you were my dinner. Sorry," Bucky could hear himself saying.

He was actually calm and the feeling was confusing to him. Following Steve into the house, he directed him to the couch. Smiling when Steve looked comfy, Bucky took the seat next to him.

"So... you came," he said, gently drumming his fingers against his knee.

"Yeah, I did. I wanted to talk to you about- Bucky where the hell have you been?"

"Here. I've been here. Living here. Working here. Surviving here."

"Oh. I...I missed you," Steve whispered staring at the ground.

Bucky didn't know what to say and muttered "thank god," when the doorbell rang. Grabbing the pizza and paying for it, he headed to the kitchen and threw the pizza down on the counter. Placing his hands on the counter he sighed softly.

"Of course I missed you too you big idiot," Bucky said quietly to himself.

"You did?" he heard loudly in response.

Bucky jumped and turned his face flushing bright red.

"Oh shit. I...I got pizza for us," he said, always quick to respond when nervous.

Grabbing a slice of pizza and a plate, Bucky tried to head into the living room. Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder.

"Buck. Don't run from me."

"Stevie I just wanna go sit down. Let go. Punk," He replied, a small smile forming on his face.

"Fine. Jerk," Steve chuckled out, running his hand across the back of Bucky's neck.

The shiver that shot down his spine caused a small whimper to escape Bucky's lips and he walked away as quickly as he could.

"Fuck. Fuck me," Bucky thought to himself tossing his pizza on the table and using his metal arm to cover his eyes.

"Buck. That can't be good for your head," Steve smiled, walking into the room and sitting down next to him.

"Well you always said I had a hard head," Bucky replied looking at Steve from under his arm.

"So. Are we gonna talk?"

"No. I'm going to eat," Bucky replied sitting up and eating his pizza.

They sat and ate in silence, Bucky's mind racing the entire time. Finishing he turned to look at Steve.

"Okay. I can... Maybe I can talk to you now. What do you need to know?"

"Where have you been? What have you been doing? How-How are you feeling? How did you get a house and all this stuff?"

"I told you already. I've been here. Working at the museum. That's how I got this place and all this stuff. I mostly guard over your exhibit, our exhibit. I work, research, and watch tv. And I am fine. Better than I could have hoped for. Watching the only person you've ever loved almost die snaps you into reality," he finished, running his fingers through his hair.

Bucky sighed softly realizing what he just said.

"Fuck. Me."

"I've always wanted to," Bucky caught Steve mutter.

"I'm-What did you say?"

"You heard that?"

"It's me. I hear everything."

"Bucky," Steve said turning and looking at him, "Give me your hand."

"Which one?" was all he could say, looking down at the flesh and metal hands sitting in his lap.

"Either one it's your choice. So I don't care."

Reaching over, Bucky grabbed Steve's hand with his flesh hand.

"I can't feel you with my metal. It doesn't... have the ability to feel," Bucky sighed softly feeling embarrassed.

Steve softly started running his thumb over Bucky's skin.

"James Buchannan Barnes. I have spent the last three years looking for you. Everyone told me to just give up and move forward. But you are my forward. I will say this once and I will either leave or I will stay here for as long as you want me too. I love you. No. I am hopelessly in love with you. I have been forever. All I have wanted to do since we were children was to love you. Kiss you. Be with you. But you didn't notice me. That was fine with me. I'm used to being alone and ignored and any attention you gave me was enough. But not anymore. Bucky. I need you. Do you... feel the same?" Steve finished squeezing Bucky's hand softly.

"I... Um," was all that Bucky managed to choke out.

"He just-Bucky fucking say something. I... what do I say," Bucky was screaming at himself internally.

Externally, he couldn't speak or move.

"Okay. Goodbye," Steve said, an edge of sadness to his voice.

As he walked to the door, Bucky finally snapped to reality and ran after Steve catching him at the door. Grabbing Steve's arm, he spun him around and pinned him to the door.

"Steve. You are... everything. I didn't want you to find me or the other way around in the beginning because I was destroyed. But. I am me now. Or as much me as I can be. And if you need to know. You have been all I've wanted since I first saw you. I can only now show you how I feel because you're here. And it is this," was the last thing that Bucky said before pressing his lips to Steve's. 

It was warm and the greatest feeling Bucky had ever truly experienced. They stood there, drinking in the kiss, hands roaming down arms and across chests before Bucky pulled away.

"I love you."

That was Steve needed to hear before picking Bucky up and carrying him upstairs to the master bedroom. They were overly exhilarated and every touch was like a fire burning under the skin. Lips pressing against any available skin, hands roughly undressing each other. Falling into a rhythm, Bucky found himself buried hip-deep inside of Steve, the moans escaping both of them and the friction enough to throw them both over the edge. Pulling out and falling down next to Steve, Bucky turned on his side to look at the man next to him.

"So... What now?" Bucky chuckled out.


End file.
